
IDEO founder David Kelley talks a lot about the notion of giving (and being given) the confidence to be creative, and together with his brother Tom, has a book coming out in the Fall on the topic of Creative Confidence. It inspired me to write this story about a pivotal experience in my own creative journey.
Whitley Bay, England. October 1974.
I guess you could say I was a bit of a creepy kid. An outsider.
While all of the other normal middle-class boys were out playing football on the local public playing field, I was inside quietly weaving a macramé plant hanger for one of my mother’s many spider plants out of a ball of string. This was the seventies, and suburban plant hanging mattered then.
Whitley Bay is a small, well-to-do seaside town perched on the coastal outskirts of Newcastle, the North-East’s industrial hub: at the time, a center of coal, steel, shipbuilding, heavy industry. Billy Elliot stuff. Miners drank in local working men’s clubs after clocking-off from their shift, steelworkers and shipbuilders went into town on a Saturday night to get blindingly drunk and stare at strangers across the pub in order to pick a fight to take out their frustrations. Manly. Terrifying. Football is everything, and being good at it was important. I dreaded being picked for the school team and possessing the double-whammy of zero confidence and no hand-to-eye coordination, of course never was: five-a-side usually devolved into arguments as to which side would have to “get” me, the loser ending up with a straggler skipping about on the periphery terrified of the ball coming close. Add to this the fact that there was a “shirts and skins” policy, the skins having to do all of the above without a shirt on, pale and goose-bumped in the howling wind and lashing rain, and you can see why quietly sitting crocheting, an outsider hiding inside, wasn’t such a bad place to be.
It was all my father’s fault.
My dad was a bank manager in the biggest branch of the Midland Bank in Newcastle, a middle manager reveling in this newfound life of middle management. We had recently moved back to England from Singapore, where my father had been stationed: as squadron leader of a division of the Royal Air Force, we had lived an Ice Stormy, bucolic existence of verandas, swimming pools and sunshine, my parents playing canasta and drinking martinis in pitchers, smoking and laughing until the wee hours with their glamorous friends, friends with single-syllable names like Mac, Dolly and Stan. My mother was part of an all-wives performance troupe called The Aquastunt Girls, a synchronized swimming team that gave demonstrations in the Singapore Club swimming pool dressed in floral rubber swim caps and noseclips, a gaggle of laughing Esther Williams’ channelling suburban England in the tropics.
Whitley Bay was, to say the least, something of a culture shock.
We used to wait for my father to come home around six so that we could all have our evening meal together. My mother loved to channel our tropical upbringing in the then-heady new era of pre-packaged convenience food so it was not unusual to have boil-in-the-bag curry, crispy pancakes, lava-hot melted string cheese nestled inside a deep fried battered shell, or instant nasi-goreng from a packet. We would sit around and talk about our respective days and my parents, ever-supportive, made a huge effort to be interested in anything and everything I said, even if it consisted of wanting to make a weaving loom that weekend or go out and buy more felt.
The Golden Hands Encyclopedia of Crafts came out every Wednesday, and one day, without asking, my father showed up with it, presenting it with a gentle wink and a “I thought you might like this.” Advertised on TV with jaunty ads showing hippyish bearded types making macaroni wall hangings in their flared pants and deftly weaving raffia bread baskets sitting in their beanbag chairs, it came in 98 weekly issues, divided into seven white plastic binders which had to be ordered specially, to showcase your collection, presumably on your recycled wood crate shelving unit next to the nail-and-thread picture you had just lovingly hammered together. Every Thursday began a new set set of projects and inspirations: tie-dyeing one week, candlemaking the next. Familiar things such as knitting and weaving sat next to exotic new-fangled pursuits such as découpage and gem-cutting. It was a revelation, and I had found my calling: making stuff. I was obsessed with it, and my weekends became a craft-fest comprised of boiling rancid-smelling raw wax pellets, wrapping twigs from our garden in remnants of my mothers’ wool to make Guatamalan Evil-Eye wall-hangings, smothering bits of leaf and shell in liquid plastic to make paperweights, hand-rolling modeling clay into unfathomably heavy beads that were painted and varnished, and of course, the macramé plant hangers, of which several hung in the kitchen window, drooping spider plants peeking through the ill-aligned string and sagging under the weight of their hot-glued clay blobs.
Postcript: May 2002
My father died in November of 2001 after a long and protracted battle with cancer, a virulent strain which left him paralyzed and bedridden, my mother looking after him. Stoic until the end and always a military man at heart, his firm behest was that I did not come see him incapacitated, he did not want me to see him “defeated.” At his funeral, a windy and solemn affair on the bluffs overlooking Whitley Bay, a barren concrete crematorium beckoned and a howling winter gale whipped us to the bone, a reminder of the days when I had to play football with no shirt on. I remember feeling numb, no tears were shed, it was efficient and quick. My mother simply said: “Au revoir my darling” as his coffin went behind the curtain, their lifetime romance over, for a while at least. I went home to America.
Back in California a few weeks later, I was browsing the internet and almost unconsciously Googled “Golden Hands Encyclopedia of Crafts,” expecting nothing to come up. I had thrown my set away years ago when I went to college, craft being replaced with anarchy, felt and string being overshadowed by punk and tartan. Immediately there was a link, to a lady in Albany, New York, who had a complete set of 98, still in their original binders. Without pausing I bought it at full price with no negotiation at whatever the cost: I think it was four hundred dollars.
A couple of weeks later there was a note from our local post office that I had a parcel. Distracted by the pressures of work, I forgot to pick it up for a couple of weeks, then remembered and went on a Saturday to collect it. Heavy and cumbersome, I struggled to get it up the path, so left it in the trunk of my car and there it stayed for a few more weeks. One night, I suddenly remembered it was there, and rushed downstairs and retrieved it from my car. Opening up the box, the first thing that hit me was the smell, the familiar scent of well-thumbed paper and worn plastic, the smell of my past and of everything that I had so badly wanted to be at the time, and had actually in large part become because of it, the craft magazines that helped me to craft my life. I opened the white binder, and there on the first page of the first issue was my father, smiling at me and jauntily walking up our road, every week, for 98 weeks.
I cried for the first time since he died: heavy, inconsolable sobs. I cried every day for weeks afterwards, and I am crying typing this.
PPS: I now own three entire sets of Golden Hands. One sits on my desk. One is on my bookshelf at home, and I have a third emergency set in case there is a catastrophe and the first two sets somehow disappear.
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